


One Hell Of a Feeling.

by mythrm



Category: Lee Donghyuck - Fandom, NCT (Band), NCT 127 - Fandom, NCT Dream, lee mark - Fandom, markhyuck - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Sobbing, Suicide, Sunflowers, Tissues, sad as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29763228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythrm/pseuds/mythrm
Summary: because falling in love, it's one hell of a feeling.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 13





	One Hell Of a Feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> idk 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:
> 
> Major Character Death  
> Car Accident mention  
> Depression  
> Suicide

The flowers would start burning any moment now, by the intensity Donghyuck kept staring at it with. His breathing uneven and eyes cemented on the bouquet of blue flowers. It was simple really, just a few asters with a green piece of paper to keep them together. They were too pricey, Donghyuck thought earlier that day while purchasing it. It didn't matter though, he was aware of how much Jeno liked blue flowers. 

The florist side eyed the younger boy while tying the bouquet and saw him looking over his shoulder at another kind of flower.

' you want those sunflowers, boy? '

' oh no sir, thank you. '

he did want them, he wanted those sunflowers. 

But today was all about another boy, he thought. It was all for the love of his life.

_Jeno loved blue flowers, ones called Aster._

On their first date together donghyuck couldn't contain the beating of his heart as he looked at the older boy going on about his love for those flowers. At some point in time, donghyuck took it upon himself to give jeno asters whenever he could.

and so the boy made sure the bouquet looked extra pretty today.

It was their 5th marriage anniversary and nothing could be more special than this. The boy couldn't contain his smile as he walked back to their home. He was going to cook something special tonight, he even took a scheduled leave from his office work for this. 

Due to both of them being employed it was hard for them to spend time together. They knew they had to make it work like that as this is what the marriage life is all about. Still, if donghyuck could, he would go back to the time they both were lying under the God's midnight star. 

They used to sneak out a lot. The clock would strike 12 with the parents under their covers, the boys would climb down their windows and run around the neighborhood holding each other's hands.

Jeno would pull him closer and tell him how he was his moon, while Donghyuck promised he'd be his moon, star and sun all together.

And he really was. he was Jeno's everything.

donghyuck's face changed to a darker expression, as a flow of thoughts flooded his mind. He was currently washing vegetables, the asters were resting on the kitchen counter.

Quietly, he zoned out of what he was doing. The place became vacuum as his mind started to pull him back. His mouth had a metallic taste to it. The boy screamed and fell, holding his head and screaming loudly, screaming for Jeno. 

_'2nd anniversary and he's already late, can't wait for all the years coming'_

The melanin skinned boy looked ethereal in the suit he was wearing. His golden locks curled and sticking out right at the perfect places. His eyebrows furrowed as he kept checking his watch, the time wasn't going any slower. 

' Mark, quit staring at me and make sure they don't bring out the food just yet, I don't want them to go cold.'

Mark Lee broke out of his trance as he looked down. Sucking in a breathe, he briefly nodded his head and turned his heels around, leaving his best friend in a state of annoyance. 

_Mark doesn't want to be here._

and he thought he was obvious about it. calling in sick, saying he has office work, even going to the extent of saying his neighbors dog (which was apparently his sister?) needed a babysitter, mark was _this close_ to admitting he wanted nothing to do with this anniversary surprise.

but it was donghyuck, and when did mark ever say no to him?

He was aware of how selfish he was to be acting like this. His best friend for over ten years was ecstatic about surprising his husband while here he was being an asshole. 

An asshole who was in love with a married for five years. 

Mark was always in love with donghyuck, there was nothing to it really. but he acknowledged his feelings for the other five years ago, when jeno and donghyuck started going out.

he realized then about his very obvious feelings for the younger and fell into the loop of heartbreak, despair and bitter happiness. 

He often wondered why donghyuck couldn't understand his feelings. He was smart. hell, he was the smartest person mark ever came across in his entire life. then why? why did his love go unnoticed? why was he left? didn't he deserve love?  
  


he did, mark did deserve love. 

but love didn't deserve him. 

because holy fuck, he **_loved_** donghyuck.

his room wasn't the clean for several reasons. he did not want to throw away the crumbled class notes he had in his drawers that donhyuck wrote to him when he was bored. he didn't want to throw away the small, tight t shirt that donghyuck gave him to wear after spilling orange juice on his. he didn't want to wash away the doddles donghyuck did on his desk, and often he ran his hands over those faded lines, wishing things would be different. wishing his heart didn't feel like an empty hole anymore. wishing it was his lips touching the younger's forehead. wishing it was him holding him tightly forever. 

but he did not let those thoughts effect his actions. he knew better, he valued donghyuck's happiness over his. 

That's why his heart broke as donghyuck held on to shirt and screamed in pure agony. his once ironed suit was now wrinkled as his faces showed the physical appearance of heartbreak. Mark kept donghyuck's head close to his heart and tried to calm the younger down, but nothing worked. 

' the car was going too fast, he didn't see it coming.'

mark tried to close the younger's ears as his screams got louder. gasping for air, because he couldn't breathe. donghyuck couldn't breathe, he couldn't think straight. 

the moment he saw the bloodied body of his husband, sanity had left him. 

mark ruffled through his bed sheets, his ringtone was way too loud for his own liking. squinting through the light, he looked at the called ID and immediately sat up. 

he forgot today's date. 

jumping out of the bed, he frantically put on a hoodie. loudly enough to wake up the boy who was sleeping beside him. 

' where are you going? '

jaemin's groggy voice made him the older one look up. 

' today's jeno's death anniversary, I completely forgot.'

the younger signed heavily in disappointment, angry at his boyfriend for forgetting someone so important. the older smiled a little at the pouting boy, whispering a sorry and giving him a goodbye peck before leaving the apartment. 

mark met jaemin over a year ago, and he started believing he had a chance at love. jaemin helped the boy in ways mark thought was only in his ability. he broke through the closed door and made a space for himself in his heart, and for the first time in ten years, mark let it happen.

walking through the snowy december, mark started to curse himself. how could he forget this day? a day where he needed to give his undivided attention to his best friend and hold him close to his heart. 

mark can never stop loving donghyuck, you can't do that once you fall in love with him. but he was now sure this love was more than wanting to hold donghyuck down and kiss him. it was more than calling him his lover. donghyuck did not deserve what happened to him, if anything mark wished it was him who died that day instead of jeno. 

because seeing the sun crying isn't a pretty sight. 

'i-im sorry-y im such a m-mess again. why can't i get used to the fact that he's gone and he's not coming ba-'

'shush shush, breathe donghyuck.'

mark held the younger into his arms as donghyuck clutched onto the blue flowers. he clutched onto them for dear life. 

donghyuck always felt safe in mark's arms. he thought he could be okay in the arms of the older. he thought he could be him, the fragile, vulnerable, him. mark wouldn't judge him for being a crybaby, instead he'd be patient with him. 

mark was always patient with him, donghyuck realized. no matter how much he annoyed him, nagged and whined into his ear, mark was always patient with him. 

well, he did obviously get annoyed and shoved him across the room, but he was also the first one to bring him back and warn him to not annoy him again, knowing it never works.

'mark, you should go back home.'

eyebrows furrowed, mark looked down in surprise. never once did mark leave donghyuck alone during this specific night, he physically couldn't. the grip on his whole body refrained him from leaving, and he was okay with it. he did not feel safe with leaving donghyuck on his own.

'what do you mean?'

donghyuck didn't look up, he just repeated himself. 

'no, i'm not leaving you-'

'mark'

'donghyuck im not leav-'

'mark'

'im not leaving-'

**'MARK!'**

startled, mark woke up and immediately thought something was wrong. not only was he on his bed and not with donghyuck, he realized what he just saw was a dream. which means, he really forgot to visit donghyuck last night. but before he could freak out over that, he saw jaemin gasping in tears as he held onto mark's arm. the older couldn't process what was happening since he had just woken up. 

but when he processed it, he wished he didn't.

The flowers would start burning any moment now, by the intensity Mark kept staring at it with. His breathing uneven and eyes cemented on the bouquet of yellow flowers. It was simple really, just a few sunflowers with a green piece of paper to keep them together. They were too pricey, Mark thought earlier that day while purchasing it. It didn't matter though, he was aware of how much Donghyuck liked the yellow flowers. 

mark sat in front of the grave stone with 13 sunflowers representing 13 years of friendship with donghyuck. mark had his lips sealed together as he clutched hands around the stems.

'please tell the young man to not blame himself'

he could hear the police officer talk to jaemin.

'Mr. Lee has been planning this for a while, we have found a letter written to Mr. Mark Lee on his desk.'

the older scoffed, almost throwing the yellow flowers in the air. of course it was his fault. it was his fault that donghyuck did what he did. maybe if he remembered what day it was, maybe if he was at the apartment with him, mark could've prevented it from happening. mark could've held him in his arms like he always did and tell him its okay. mark couldve told him he will always be there for him no matter what, and that he was never alone. 

mark couldve told him he loved him. 

by now hot tears streamed down mark's cheeks as his lungs gave out. in despair, the boy let his body fall to the ground. his body visibly shook as he looked up at the gravestone for the first time, only to scream louder than he ever did. 

scream for the love he had lost forever. 

_Dear Mark,_

_I'm gone aren't I? I should be by the time you've got this letter. Please don't be angry, don't blame yourself for this. I had to do this, I couldn't leave him alone there for so long now could I? I am sorry for leaving you, i am so sorry. I am sorry for not being able to hold on for long. I am sorry I am missing your wedding, I hope you can find a better best man. Not me, not me. you dont deserve to be my friend mark. you deserve someone who gives you back. all i've ever done is taken things from you, and I can't do that anymore. So, I'm letting you go. And I ask you to let go off me forever, maybe just remember me in your best days. in the days when you're smiling and loved._

_because mark, being loved, fuck._

_it's one hell of a feeling._

**Author's Note:**

> fucccc what goes on with me


End file.
